Back to Three Wishes and a Wardrobe Homepage
Back to the list of party planning advice and tea party recipes!
HOW MANY DO I INVITE?
or the DILEMMA OF THE INVITATION
With school just starting, I am continually hearing from parents… "I don’t want a LARGE party, but I have to invite the ENTIRE class!"The irony I find with what I call the "dilemma of the invitation" is that party books you read all recommend inviting one child for each year of your child’s age. For example, a 5 year old party would have 5 guests, a 10 year old party 10 guests. When you read articles about child psychology, again they stress the number game.
Now, when you talk to educators or read etiquette columns (such as Ann Landers) you read the horror story of the "uninvited child" hence schools do NOT want you passing out invitations at school or if you do they must be passed out to all. This is a completely reasonable request.
However, today parents today rarely know the parents of schoolmates. Even as early as pre-school, we rush here and there and rarely get a chance to talk. What if school has just begun? What if school is breaking for a holiday during the birthday? What if the school refuses to divulge names of parents because of a privacy issue? What if you have just moved to town?
What is a parent to do!? (I hear the groan!)
- Please get to know your child’s friends. In this busy world it is difficult sometimes to take the time BUT by finding out who your child plays with, will help you develop skills in assisting your child safely through a turbulent adolescence when friendships are sometimes hurtful.
- Plan for a special occasion at the school that includes ALL the class. Bring cupcakes or a cake, and simple treats to pass out to the "guests," or order pizza to be delivered. Most pre-schools will honor the child’s birthday in class and here you can include all children without pressure of bringing a present. However, many elementary schools don't want birthday celebrations at school as it disrupts their teaching goals.
- Ask the school for a directory or when the directory is going to be published. You could even get last year’s directory and mark the kids who have moved into your own child’s class.
- If there is no directory, start one by asking the preschool or daycare teacher to have parents VOLUNTARILY signing their name, address, phone and child’s name on a pad attached to a clipboard. Type up the list and distribute to other thankful parents.
This is especially helpful to parents who have started a new daycare or preschool but unfortunately most elementary schools do not have the parents entering the school to drop off their child so parent-teacher contact is minimum.
- Ask the teacher who your child plays with. Teachers notice friendships and they can offer input on who is close to your child.
- Use common sense. If you invite 19 kids out of a class of 20, that is the ultimate in bad manners! If you invite 5 out of 20, than parents can reasonably expect that you are cutting down the size of the party for your own sanity (something they will appreciate!).
- Don’t hand out invitations at school. Mail them. Phone directories are now printing the addresses to listed phone numbers. Or use the telephone and call parents to get addresses. Wait in the parking lot and pounce on the parents dropping off their kids.
- Are you especially kindhearted? Ask the teacher if there is any child that is usually left out of events or a child new to the school. Your generosity in inviting this child and making him or her feel special teaches your own children about giving from the heart.
- Don’t invite more kids than you can handle. If you start to squirm when you wonder if all 15 kids that you invited will attend (and than WHAT WILL YOU DO???) just simply don’t invite that many! Invite what you feel you can handle, not what you think you should do!
- Think about holding a larger party at some other mid-point which is NOT a birthday party and can be held for the entire class. Halloween or Christmas party, 1/2 Birthday party, Summer Pool party etc... See our other article about UN-Birthday Parties.
So now you followed my advice and limited the number of guests. But a mom catches you at the school and asks why her child wasn’t invited…
"This year I wanted to really limit the hassle so I made Susie’s party very small."
"I thought about inviting the entire class, but really my home couldn’t accommodate so many kids. I’ve limited the party to just a few friends."
"We had a party at school with all the class and later only invited a very small guest list for a home party. I hope you enjoyed our School Party."
"Since we are using a party service which charges per person, we had to limit the number of guests."
If she feels her child was left out when she thought your two children were special friends, give an invitation to meet at a later date at the park, mall or wherever for some special one-on-one time.
What if a parent goes on and on about an invitation she has received in front a parent who didn’t receive one.
"I hope you enjoy Mark’s party. We really cut back on what we are doing this year and limited the invitations to less than 10 guests."
"I’m glad you can make it to Emily’s party. We invited only girls this year as we are doing a special tea party for her. At her age, a small girls dress-up party seems to be really special."
"I’m glad you can make it. Did you know we are going to have a big birthday party at the school so all of Alex’s friends can enjoy his birthday with the luxury of not having to buy him a present!" (laugh at the punchline with the harassed, relieved parent laugh we all develop with the rolling eyes).
If you are insane or for some reason MUST invite the entire class ~
- Plan the party at a place that can handle a large group. Plan the party at a place that can handle a large group. Use a large home with yard (what if you get rained out), use your school, church, or park pavilion.
- Set a limit on the amount of money to be spent on presents from your guests. (20 presents at about $30 each is really spoiling your kid and obligating parents into something that is best not done).
to be spent on presents from your guests. 20 presents at about $30 each is really spoiling your kid and obligating parents into something that is best not done.
- Set a budget for the party. Expect to spend a minimum of $100 and more likely $200 (approx. $10 per guest with 20 attending), depending on how elaborate you are going to be with decorations, food, games, and party favors.
- You MUST have assistants. You MUST have assistants. Other moms, friends, relatives and the teenage baby-sitter can be roped into helping you put on this shindig. You need help for as the hostess, you will be answering the door, serving food, mopping up spills and helping kids to the bathroom.
- Plan on having "centers." Plan on having "centers." You will need to break up such a large group and rotate them through activities or kids waiting in line will become bored.
- Keep the party simple. Keep the party simple. With such a large group, having a complicated party or theme is going to give everyone a headache!
- Find other parents with a child having a birthday in the same month. Team up with the parents and hold a joint party with the entire class.
Back to list of articles on Party Planning Advice
